So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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