Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
