Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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