I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
