she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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