When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have aggressive nipples.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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