I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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