Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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