who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
