Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
