I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
