They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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