She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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