dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
