there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
