I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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