i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
