I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
