that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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