help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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