Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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