did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
