I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
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Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
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You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?