If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.