Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?