no, he came in my armpit
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!