just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
