i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
