I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I want her autograph on my taint
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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