You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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