i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
