no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
