I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
