I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
