Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Too much gin, very little bucket
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
