toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
