I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
