Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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