I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it glows. i had to have it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
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I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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