I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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