Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
