Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
