why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
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Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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