the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
