So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
