stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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