it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
