she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
