Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
