I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You've changed since you got that strap on
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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