Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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