just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
they call him Oral-B. enough said
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
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He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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