dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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