let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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