singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
