So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
