i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
