so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
