just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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