Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
