I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize